百度作业网剑桥雅思6test2 小作文,高手来估分,谢谢
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剑桥雅思6test2 小作文,高手来估分,谢谢
The table shows the average miles travelled per person per year in England from 1985 to 2000.
It can be seen from the chart that the miles travelld per person per year increased from 4740 miles in 1985 to 6475 in 2000.As the car saw a dramatic growth in average distance travelled by per person from 3199 miles in the year 1985 to 4806 miles in 2000. By comparisons,there are some others mode used widely.Then,it was followed by train(77miles),long distance bus(70miles)and taxi(29miles),which all showed upward trends.
On the contrary, we can see clearly that there were 3 modes had witnessed various declines from 1985 to 2000.Among these, local bus decreased most,with a total reduction of 155 miles.After this ,walking and bicycle came in turn with 18 miles and 10 miles respectively.
In sum,the chart describe us people tend to ravel more, and the car had increasingly become the most favorable travelling mode by 2000.
The table shows the average miles travelled per person per year in England from 1985 to 2000.
It can be seen from the chart that the miles travelld per person per year increased from 4740 miles in 1985 to 6475 in 2000.As the car saw a dramatic growth in average distance travelled by per person from 3199 miles in the year 1985 to 4806 miles in 2000. By comparisons,there are some others mode used widely.Then,it was followed by train(77miles),long distance bus(70miles)and taxi(29miles),which all showed upward trends.
On the contrary, we can see clearly that there were 3 modes had witnessed various declines from 1985 to 2000.Among these, local bus decreased most,with a total reduction of 155 miles.After this ,walking and bicycle came in turn with 18 miles and 10 miles respectively.
In sum,the chart describe us people tend to ravel more, and the car had increasingly become the most favorable travelling mode by 2000.
"per person per year" can be used in speaking but not academic writing.
You should not use "we" in academic writing as well.
"the chart describe us" is a translation of Chinese which has a grammar mistake. It should be "the chart tells us" but unfortunately, not in academic writing again. U may use "the chart shows that the trend of travelling more often than before.
What do u mean "As the car saw a dramatic growth"? I guess it's another grammar mistake.
"In sum" should be "in conculsion" or "In summary".
Generally speaking, your essay is not bad but it should not be scored over 6. One of the reason is that you just list all the figures rather than comparing them. For example, it would be much better if you said "Taxi is more popular because its recent figure is more than 3 times than the previous one."
The other reason is you didn't point out the trend that people prefer to go further. That's why the usage of car, long distance bus and taxi increases but walking and bicycle drops.
I suggest that you should spend 2-3 mimutes to analyse and find out the relationship between the figures first. Then you can start writing.
Practicing more helps you to improve your writing skill. Good luck and fighting!
You should not use "we" in academic writing as well.
"the chart describe us" is a translation of Chinese which has a grammar mistake. It should be "the chart tells us" but unfortunately, not in academic writing again. U may use "the chart shows that the trend of travelling more often than before.
What do u mean "As the car saw a dramatic growth"? I guess it's another grammar mistake.
"In sum" should be "in conculsion" or "In summary".
Generally speaking, your essay is not bad but it should not be scored over 6. One of the reason is that you just list all the figures rather than comparing them. For example, it would be much better if you said "Taxi is more popular because its recent figure is more than 3 times than the previous one."
The other reason is you didn't point out the trend that people prefer to go further. That's why the usage of car, long distance bus and taxi increases but walking and bicycle drops.
I suggest that you should spend 2-3 mimutes to analyse and find out the relationship between the figures first. Then you can start writing.
Practicing more helps you to improve your writing skill. Good luck and fighting!