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这段英语帮我弄得更有文采好吗

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这段英语帮我弄得更有文采好吗
12th, March, 2008 is an unforgattable day for me. That day I had my first interview of life time. And with my endeavor, I got my first internship in Guangdong Development Bank. I really enjoyed this opportunity and it was a very precious experience for me. This internship lasted for almost 2 months. Guangdong Development Bank allowed me a flexible timetable, so I could go there and helped in my leisured time. I am major in trade English. However, that
I didn’t choose to go to the trade fair was my little strategy. First, Guangdong Development Bank is a renowed enterprise with great popularity. It will gorify my resume. And I could go inside the core of the bank, and observe how the stuff work. I can appreciate the bank elites in a shorter distance. Second, I know where my shortcomings are. I am quite shy toward the “adults”, yes, inside my heart living a little girl, who is like the greenhouse flower, never gets in touch with the society. So I want to have more skill which is benefit for my socializing ability. I always bear in mind that I am already a junior at college, so I should seize my time to defeat my disadvantage.
这段英语帮我弄得更有文采好吗
修改如下,内容衔接和文意顺序略作调整.
I finally got the opportunity of 2-month practice in Guangdong Development Bank on March 12th,2008.It was rather unforgettable since I succeeded at the first interview of my life,with endeavour though.What is more,I was allowed to take a flexible timetable so that I could adjust my schedule for the part-time job.
There were three main reasons why I chose this job instead of some other trade affairs,although my major is Business English.First and foremost,Guangdong Development Bank was a vital enterprise with both outstanding scale and performance,and therefore my work experience here would be more valuable.Next,I got the chance to learn skills from experienced colleagues or even elites,which would definitely benefit my future careers.Last but not least,it was a valuable opportunity for me to practise my socializing and communicating ability,which was one of my drawbacks.Living almost nowhere but in campus made me a bit shy when I stepped into the society,like a flower which was just moved out of the greenhouse.Therefore I had decided to enhance my communication skills during the practice.Actually I was with confidence since I was after all a junior at college and should be capable for handling problems like this.