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求大神改托福作文,顺便说下大概多少分,马上要考了.写的不好求轻喷

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求大神改托福作文,顺便说下大概多少分,马上要考了.写的不好求轻喷
Do you agree or disagree with following statement?The environmental issue is too complex to be handled by the individual.
Withthe unprecedented progress of society has exposed people to a perplexingdilemma about wether the environmental issue is too complex to be handled bythe individual.Owing the fact that most of us have limited infuluence on ourenvironment,it is apparent that it is indeed too complex for individual tohandle,to a larger extend.
Firstof all,environmental issue can be better handled by government’s effectivepolicy.Our industy has a great progress in expense of fierce pollution whichaccumulated so many years.It is impossible that we can convert this conditiononly by ourselves.So government’s policy can have more significant effect onthis issue than individual effort.For example,currently,china has such kindof policy about banning to produce plastic bag which can not be absorbed byenvironment.The fact proves that this policy is more effective than theproposal of using fabric bag.Consequently,we can tell that government’spolicy is better useful than individual effort.
Furthermore,I do convince that the effort on environmental issue needs internationalcooperation.Some complex environmental problems can not be coped by country,how much more are we.At this time,we need cooperate with other countries toset up some policy which need to be obeyed internationally.For instance,thehot spot about excessive emission of carbon dioxide,there is an internationalagreement about the maximus emission of carbon dioxide.As we wish,lots ofcountries follow the rule,and the emission of co2 indeed decreases.Accordingly,it is apparent that international cooperation has very positive result.
Inconclusion,from what I said,the environmental issue still has seriousproblems which need all of us to fight together.I can provide the method todeal with these problems,such as policy control and international cooperation.Thus we can see environmental issue is toocomplex to be handled by individual.
求大神改托福作文,顺便说下大概多少分,马上要考了.写的不好求轻喷
i'm not a professional rater,so what i can do is to offer some suggestions.Your essay is pretty good,with well developed structure and tidy phrase make your article easy to understand.But there on still some errors and lapses.Please pay attention to the correct grammar usage and avoid composing run-on sentences.Another thing is that your first argument is unconvincing and kind of incoherent,since the topic aims to ask you if you believe that environmental issue could be handled personally.Anyway,good job buddy!Good luck to you!