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高手帮忙改改英语essay吧

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高手帮忙改改英语essay吧
The wings of the invisible
The wings of the invisible is appeared as the Chinese writing topic of this year’s College entrance examination in Beijing.There is also a popular song called The wings of the invisible which is liked by teenagers.I know I have a pair of wings of the invisible,it can bring me fly,fly to the distance.As the lyric said,I think each one has his own wing,my wings of the invisible is independent; the spirit to face challenges,and the Innovation ability.
In each person’s grow path,there are always several of difficulties and challenges waiting for us.My junior high school was far from home.So I had to leave home and live in school at that time,I was twelve years old.After I graduated from primary school,my parents no longer transport me.Although I was a little bit afraid,I still challenge myself.As my father told me “The more you do,the better you are.” I learn to deal problems by myself.To be independent is the first step to develop.I can fly because I am independent.
When I was in primary school,I joined a club about Chinese tea culture in order to know more about China’s traditional culture treasure.At the every beginning,I just learn it with curiosity.But after my teacher gave me loads of text papers to finish,I find I was bored with learning it.I realized that I only interested in making tea but not in learning the basic knowledge.When my teacher knew about this,she said to me “you can only make the most excellent tea when you know well about the knowledge behind the cup of tea.” Her words made me think for a long time.Later,I made a decision to keep learning Chinese tea culture,no matter how hard it will be.Now,I am able to make delicious tea and introduce the tea culture to people confidently.From then on,I know that I couldn’t success without the spirit to face difficulties,which can bring me fly higher.
Also,I am interesting in poster making.To make the study life more colorful,I have created some beautiful and inspiring wallpaper with some other students,which are appreciatted and highly thought of by all the students in our grade.In this year’s art festival,I designed a T-shirt for our class.I am a member of our biology club study Tissue culture,we are looking forward to take part in the technology innovation contest.All those activities a joined was great opportunities to improve my creativity,so I cherish them and attempt to do well in every event.Creativity can let me fly farther.
“Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.” Einstein‘s word impressed me deeply.Western Christian High School pays attention to every student's quality education; I like the commitment to educational excellence and the highest ideals of Christian values of the school.My wings of the invisible will take me fly to Western Christian High School,I‘ll try my best to become a man of value.
这个事申请美国私立高中的essay
please write an essay that will answer the question"why you want to attend western christian high school"
最好把改动的地方做点标记
把词汇升级一下 看看语法错误什么的
我会追加分数的啊
高手帮忙改改英语essay吧
首先.标题不能这样写 invisible 不是名词 标题应该为 the invisible wings
which is liked by teenagers.这句话应该改为 which is popular among the teenagers