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帮忙修改一篇英语作文As we all know ,the student who calls Peter can't

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帮忙修改一篇英语作文
As we all know ,the student who calls Peter can't run fast .Last sunday,everybody took part in the sports meeting .When Peter got ready for the 400-metre race ,nobody thought he would be successful.I told Peter an English saying:"Every man is the architect of his own fortune ." At last he succeeded .He took the place of the third one and became the third one(我这句话的意思就是:他取代了第三名的位置变成了第三名,一定要用take palce这个词组).As the saying goes ,"where there is a will,there is a way."
摆脱大家看看有没有重大语法错误,单复数有没有问题,时态有没有问题.我里面用了很多谚语,如果有问题请指出来修改.(最后全文修改好给我)谢谢米娜桑了...
帮忙修改一篇英语作文As we all know ,the student who calls Peter can't
总的来说没什么大问题.不过看上去就是觉得怪怪的.我不知道你的文章是几年级的,但感觉有点生硬.比如你写的那个取代了第三名的那句话,你就说他得了第三名就可以了,如果你想强调一下,就说 to our suprise 或其他词组来表示就行了.
还有,你再说最后一句话的时候,好歹也承接一下,加一句 this story is really a good testmony of the old saying.这样应该就自然一些吧
说了这么多,